The short answer is that they are in love.
Marriage affords endless opportunities to practice loving. But because of the intimacy of the relationship, personal flaws are revealed, that we can slip into negativity, forgetting what it was like to initially fall in love, and what it is now to live in love.
The virtue of Gratitude can help us remember.
But why is it so hard for us to practice an attitude of gratitude and positivity—especially in our marriages?
One reason may be that we often dismiss the positive aspects of our marriages while vividly remembering the negative ones.
The marriage fights we have are often about who is going to meet the “needs” of the other person. In reality the only “needs” a person has is the need for food, water and their health. Outside of this everything else is “wants” and desires and yearnings. When “wants” or “what we would like to happen or see” masquerade as “needs” it is dishonest, demanding and can do a relationship a lot damage.
To end an argument and prevent others occurring one must be willing to stop the fight over “needs” and think about what you can bring the relationship to make it go better.
Start by focusing more on what you do have in your relationship and what you love and appreciate about your partner. When couples express genuine gratitude for each other, they feel more loving and accepting.
Notice when your spouse does or says something nice to you and notice when you say or do something nice for them. Now think about it. Let yourself feel good about the positive feeling you have for him or her.
Any relationship gets its very best chance of success when it is at it’s most personal and appreciative. We must resist the temptation to reduce someone to the sum total of their faults and try keep the lines of communication open even at the most difficult of times.
Perhaps your partner is always busy at work and you don’t feel they value you. If so, then you have work to do, learning to value yourself. By working on your own self-esteem and insecurities you will become that more attractive to your partner. After all, they fell in love with you because of the positive qualities they saw in you – find these again in yourself, embrace them with your whole being and start giving them once again.
Attitude is everything in marriage. The attitude that you and your spouse choose to have, on a daily basis, can and will greatly impact the life you two enjoy together. Negative attitudes can create a tremendous weight on your marriage, while a consistently positive attitude can help uplift your marriage — putting everything in its real perspective.
The effect of practicing gratitude in marriage has the effect of shifting our perspective, enlarging our horizons, and deepening our love, not only for our spouse but for the wider community.
What qualities of your spouse are you most grateful for? Share your lists with each other.
Does your spouse have an annoying behavior or habit that you’ve magnified out of proportion? Make an effort over time to let it go.
Whether or not you realized it before, gratitude really is love. Sometimes it’s a great big OMG kind of love. Other times it’s a small simple love. But, no matter what, gratefulness is love.
Which brings me back to the first question I asked?
Why do people marry?
If falling in love with someone is a wonderful, intense experience, then why do so married couples forget this?
It is like having butterflies in your stomach when your lover touches you.
It is like a flower blossoming in your heart, as you can feel each petal opening.
It is like a jigsaw puzzle when you have found that long, lost piece that was missing from your life.
It is a shoulder to cry on without question.
It is looking into their eyes and seeing your own reflection.
It is a feeling of bliss when you kiss.
Gratitude is a universal kind of love, an appreciative kind of love. It’s something deep and meaningful and important. When you love someone, you cannot help but incorporate gratitude into that love.
I would like to end this blog post with a song for the love of my love. A woman, I truly adore and would love to spend the rest of my life with. This one’s for you baby!